Sleep Evasion

insomnia

(aka in the wee small hours of the morning…)

Today is the second night in a row I could not go to sleep. And I don’t know why. I’m exhausted. Like….body shakingly tired. I got only 3 hours of sleep last night…and there’s no reason I should still be awake right now.

It’s 4am.

This isn’t the first bout I’ve had in 2023. The last time I had this much insomnia in a year was the first year of the pandemic. My sleep was all over the place. My next-door neighbor caught Covid and her cough kept me up until dawn. I digress.

I’m yawning as I type this. I’m stumbling to make a tea that should help me finally go to sleep. Or it won’t. Who knows. I don’t know what is causing this. Which only makes my brain race.

Not exercising enough? No routine? Taking my vitamins too late in the day? Excited about my personal projects? Worried about my professional ones?

Probably all the above.

What I do know is this is where I live now and I no likey. I don’t like losing most of the morning and daylight. I don’t like wanting to sleep but not being able. I went to bed at 11pm and stared up at my ceiling until now. Just…thoughts. Racing.

I have all the things to help me be successful. I have the Calm App playing crashing waves. I have my gravity blankets. Plural. My room is not too cold or hot. My TV is off. And I’m wearing an eye mask. I stopped eating hours before I went to bed. I stop drinking coffee before noon. Otherwise…this would all make sense.

My tea is finally done and I’m out of honey. Perfect.

So what do I do when I find myself still awake? I open my blinds so I can sleep in and my plants still get sunlight. I drink this tea. I wait for the streetcar to start its rounds again. I restart the waves. I put on the eye mask. And I pray to the sleepy Gods that this combination will make a difference. I chose between counting the pairs of shoes I have or the albums I have. Anything to calm my mind. And whatever I do, I don’t get on my phone. That will just extend my sleep depravity. I only had 3 hours of sleep last night. This makes no sense.

It’s now 4:20…and that used to mean something.

I’m drinking tea out of my Alice and Wonderland tea cup I got in Disney World. I can’t remember if it was when I worked here or when I went back for a Marathon. The street lights and one plant light is eliminating my living room. 5SoS is playing. Not sure why, it just felt right. I’m rambling…because of course, I am.

I’m exhausted.